I was a Good Christian. I went to church every Sunday, I gave more than pocket change when the offering plate came around, and I knew my way around the Bible. A testimony could make me weep, and a miracle reported would always elicit a genuine "amen!" from me. My faith was real.
My fifteen year experience as a Christian was comfortable, easy, and unremarkable. I considered myself to be a typical, average, run-of the-mill believer. I knew my Lord, and I knew his mercy, and I desired to serve Him, as much as I was able.
This all may be very familiar to you. It may even describe you to a "T." But what may not be familiar to you is something God did in me on October 4th, 1994. God got my attention that evening. At that moment, the reality of a Sovereign, Almighty God, the Creator who became man, He who died for me, that same One who said "follow Me" fifteen years ago, spoke.
Now, I don't know if God speaks audibly these days or not, but I know God speaking when I hear Him. That inaudible voice was like thunder in my soul; like the rushing of many waters. And I was knocked flat in the deluge and would have drowned if not for His mercy. What caused this to happen?
I'll tell you, but this is a dangerous thing. Occasionally we pray a prayer that we hope (deep down) God doesn't answer, or one that we don't expect the kind of answer we actually receive. I prayed that evening. I prayed for, silly me, to be pure and usable for His perfect purposes. In conjunction with that, I wrote a song.
Permit me to quote some of the words:
"Lord, rekindle me anew, a pleasing sacrifice for you.
I desire a heart of righteousness, Lord please purify my heart.
The time is now to seek holiness, it is time to hear his voice.
To live my confession, I've made my choice, to be conformed within,
and live my life for Him."
I don't know if the contents of this song affected my heart, or if my affected heart brought out this song. I do know that at that moment things would never be the same. God showed me in graphic, horrifying detail the dark corners of my heart, the thick, sturdy walls I had built in an attempt to somehow contain Him. He showed me the treasure I had layed up in heaven: a small lump of gold in a treasure chest filled with ash. Brothers and sisters, my treasure was layed up in earthly things. I was in His kingdom, but avoiding the Consuming Fire.
And so, God answered my prayer that evening. I was about to enter the Consuming Fire, and as one "escaping through the flames," not much was left of me as God did His work. Jer. 4:3-4 says, "Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns. Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, circumcise your hearts." The plow was on the move.
It is painful to be physically circumcised, but it's the heart that God wants to be circumcised. The heart is where our innermost thoughts are; the depths of our being, where we find what and who we are; it's the place where God meets us when He comes calling. The heart truly represents what we are, it is the place where the dearest things of our lives are treasured. It is here that God writes his word, and where His Holy Spirit dwells. Here also are the secrets, the idols, the barriers we put up to try to shut out the Holy Spirit, the walls behind which we hide from God.
So God circumcised my heart, and I saw the things I had hidden away. I was in despair because of the way I had grieved the Holy Spirit. I claimed to serve Him, but I had wasted these past fifteen years pursuing my own selfish desires, treasuring my idols, silencing His voice. God knocked me down, and I was overcome with the difference between His Holiness and my utter depravity. It is mighty hot in the Consuming Fire!
As I wept like a child at the feet of God, It seemed like his fire was too much to bear. Jeremiah contributes again in Chapter 10, verse 24: "Correct me, Lord, but only with justice - not in your anger, lest You reduce me to nothing." He didn't reduce me to nothing, but l could see it from where I was. Jeremiah again: "My heart is broken within me...because of the Lord and his holy words." Jer: 23:9
After I had finished wrestling with God that evening, my eyes were opened to a new reality. I had been given a new vision of God's purpose for me, and Praise God, He is merciful! Micah says in chapter 6 verse 3: “And what does the LORD require of you? ...to walk humbly with your God." God began a work in me that night, and He is faithful to complete it! I learned that I could no longer hang out at the door of His kingdom vicariously experiencing God's goodness. Being with God's holy people is great, but He wants me to be holy. Going to church is great, but He wants me to dwell in His presence. Seeing God move through His people is awesome, but He wants to work His power through me.
In God's holy football game (I hate sports metaphors!), you're either on offense or defense. You can't sit on the sidelines and cheer the home team. You must be in the game.
But more than that, a new understanding of an old truth lept to life as His Spirit lit up my heart: He has a plan for me! Jeremiah 29, verses 11-13 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart:"'
Do you understand the promise contained in that verse? He wants to bless you. He wants to bless you! And He says that you will find Him if you just look! I want to see Jesus. "I pray also that the eyes of your heart will be enlightened, that you may know the hope to which you have been called, and the riches of the glory of his inheritance through the saints, and the exceeding greatness of His power for those who believe." Eph. 1:18-19 God is raising up a people for Himself, a "royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light." 1 Pe. 2:9
He's looking for people who will pray earnestly, who will totally abandon all to Him, who will pursue His presence, and who will stand before Him with clean hands and pure hearts. Don't you want to be a part of God's moving? Are you willing to totally, totally trust Him? Are you willing to turn over control of everything to Him? Everything?
I was satisfied with the small taste of God's goodness, the little sip of His glory. But God has so much more for me! Do you not see the New Thing He is doing? I have had more than my fill of the old wine, and the sweet new wine of His Spirit is what I crave! This is Living Water, and I want more. More!
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…" is what Jesus says in Matthew 5, verse 6. Blessed! But, He doesn't leave it there, He gives a promise: "…for they willed be filled." Don't you want to be filled with His righteousness? I tell you, I don't want to miss Him when He moves in this valley. I don't want to miss the blessing, the victory, He has promised. Don't miss what God has for you!
Back to Jeremiah: "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know:" Jer: 33:3 Paul says in 1 Cor. 2:16, "But we have the mind of Christ." God is pleased to show us great and mighty things as we call out to Him in faith. He will work through those who are truly seeking His face in humility and brokenness. I'm not out for some power so that I can show off how holy I am. I want to be used by God as an empty vessel, an instrument of righteousness; I want to be in the center of His will, I want to "…throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,” and “...run with perserverence the race marked out for us." Heb. 12:1 That verse is followed by, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus."
Then, after all of this, I am led to something else: Love. "Dear children, do not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18 This is an active love that runs contrary to what the world says. I haven't even scratched the surface in understanding what it means to love like Jesus did when He laid down his life for us.
When we sing, "I love you, Lord, and I lift my voice", or when we say, "I love you; brother," are these empty words or vain repetitions, or do they communicate from the depths of our being? We need to get honest before God, and this usually means being honest with ourselves. God already knows our hearts. I think He wants use to get to the point where we admit to Him what he already knows about us. He wants us to face up to the contents of our hearts and allow Him to be Lord of every part of our being. He is able! How big is your God right now?
"Oh, the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay Him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen." Rom. 11: 33-36
Where are you today? Are you in "comfortable" Christianity? What's your love like? Do you, deep down, trust God in all things? Does God need to get your attention? "The hour has come for you to wake from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed." Rom. 13:11
Don't mistake me. This whole thing has hit me personally like I've never been hit. Only you can know where your heart is, and that's between you and God. I find myself coming up painfully short as I ask myself these questions again. But praise God, He is merciful! My heart is filled with joy because of His mercy, and because He has not let me be satisfied with being an average, run-of-the-mill Christian.
Is He speaking to you, too? Does He want to give give you more than you could ever ask or even imagine? Yes. Yes! He will not give you a stone if you ask for bread!
Listen! Is He speaking to You? Listen!
"We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may freely understand what God has given us." 1 Cor. 2:12 May God richly bless you!
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