Here is the dialogue. My friend sent this to me with a request for me to comment. My comments are below.
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My friend: Would it be possible for you to remove the two photos of the wine bottles you put on our Facebook page? Makes it look like we are all about booze. I would prefer that we not give the world that impression. Thanks for your help.
R.H.: why? that is part of the ceremony, is the wine???
No.... I will not remove them. They are not photos of anyone drinking from them, one is clearly marked juice, and wine is VERY symbolic in the passover seder. Why be ashamed of having wine at a meal? I see no reason for such, and I have labeled the photos, well, commented on them, to avoid any "confusion" or assumptions.
My friend: Well I am sorry and disappointed to hear that. I would like you to please reconsider. Thanks.
R.H.: I would like to understand why you think it would be offensive to leave it on. I am sorry you see it as something to be ashamed of. Part of the seder is about the wine. The pictures are labeled, there's even juice bottles in the picture, so I am sorry, there's nothing offensive in those photos, so no, I will not reconsider. if you ask me to take those off, then we may as well take all passover photos off, as they ALL contain wine in them. I think this is a bit much.
I could understand if someone was drinking directly from the bottle. But since wine is representational in the seder, AND, in shabbat dinners in general, AND the fact it is normal to have wine at many meals around the world, I see no reason to take it off.
My friend: I don't understand why you responded the way you did. I thought I asked you nicely and I thought my appeal was also done in a kind way. Would you mind praying about this situation, please?
R.H.: I will respond tomorrow. By phone. All my comments are in pleasant conversation tone. Just because you ask nicely, which I knew, or assumed, does not mean you can dictate my response. I believe you wanting me to remove these photos is wrong, amd petty. There is no call for such issue, as there should be no issue with the photos. And, I believe you need to pray about your heart intent, and consider the pics and their comments, and the fact that your wife chose the bottles for wine, juice and water should say somethung also. There is nothing to hide, there is no sin. I will not discuss this here further. I will call you tomorrow. Thank you
My friend: I am not sure why you need to call me.
R.H.: Do you have a reason for not wishing to speak to me, or can hyou consider this issue dropped?
My friend: I consider this issue dropped with you. I sure didn't mean to get you upset.
R.H.: I did not get upset. I was completely calm, I was rather incredulous. I did not appreciate you trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind for something as petty as the photos, which are not inappropriate, and because of your comment, I even made sure to comment on my photos to avoid any confusion. However, what I did not appreciate even more was the fact that aside from the attempt at guilt tripping, when I made clear my intent, and reasons that fully support, you still insisted on using any means possible, "I hope you will pray about this and find that you are wrong", as how that comes across. Now, with that last response that you sent yesterday, then I was a little perturbed. I do hope you can understand my reasoning, and why I will not concede in this matter.
R.H.: I do hope you have a pleasant day, as it is a pleasant day outside. this is the last day of school for us, having a picnic with myd aughter at school, then going to the rodeo, to see if we can catch the Pena kiddo in action again. May the Lord bless you.
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Wow, this woman really goes for the jugular for very inconsequential reasons.
why? that is part of the ceremony, is the wine??? No.... I will not remove them. They are not photos of anyone drinking from them, one is clearly marked juice, and wine is VERY symbolic in the passover seder. Why be ashamed of having wine at a meal? I see no reason for such, and I have labeled the photos, well, commented on them, to avoid any "confusion" or assumptions.
She was hostile from the beginning. Her initial reply contains a flat decline. She uses multiple question marks, which conveys emphasized incredulous astonishment. A presumed value judgment ("Why be ashamed...") that is not contained in your comments. Putting the word "confusion" in quotes, when you didn't use the word.
I will respond tomorrow. By phone. All my comments are in pleasant co.versation tone. Just because you ask nicely, which I knew, or assumed, does not mean you can dictate my response. I believe you wanting me to remove these photos is wrong, amd petty. There is no call for such issue, as there should be no issue with the photos. And, I believe you need to pray about your heart intent, and consider the pics and their comments, and the fact that Jane chose the bottles for wine, juice and water should say somethung also. There is nothing to hide, there is no sin. I will not discuss this here further. I will call you tomorrow.thank you
She escalates the hostility. The use of the word "petty," a charge she repeats later. Where, exactly, did you attempt to dictate her response? She then impugns your motives (heart intent). She wants you to pray about the issue, but she was previously offended by you asking her to pray. (?)
I did not get upset. I was completely calm, I was rather incredulous. I did not appreciate you trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind for something as petty as the photos, which are not inappropriate, and because of your comment, I even made sure to comment on my photos to avoid any confusion. However, what I did not appreciate even more was the fact that aside from the attempt at guilt tripping, when I made clear my intent, and reasons that fully support, you still insisted on using any means possible, "I hope you will pray about this and find that you are wrong", as how that comes across. Now, with that last response that you sent yesterday, then I was a little perturbed. I do hope you can understand my reasoning, and why I will not concede in this matter.
She was incredulous, which means she considers your request to be outlandish and unreasonable. Followed by an unfounded accusation made twice("guilt trip"), which is not justified by anything you said, and a diminution of you ("petty"). Then she misrepresents what you said ("Would you mind praying about this situation, please" is morphed into "I hope you will pray about this and find that you are wrong").
I would give this woman a wide berth. She is not rational, and seems to feel free to impute to people the most insidious of ulterior motives, especially when someone disagrees with her, even over minor issues.
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