I was at the gas station
the other day, and someone had stretched the air hose across the sidewalk to
fill her tires. As I stepped over the hose she pulled on it to reach the tire,
nearly tripping me. She was very apologetic. I tried to reassure her it was no
big deal.
It got me to thinking, though. I
should be very offended that this person had imperiled my safety. And who
located the air hose so that it had to be stretched across the sidewalk in order
to use it? I should complain to the government. There ought to be a
law!
If I were a part of the political
left, that would be the answer. The Left loves to tell people what to do. They
are all about controlling peoples’ lives, for their own good of course. They
believe in their heart of hearts that every problem deserves a government
solution. Every offense requires government intervention. Every injustice
requires a government remedy.
Maybe the City will help me with my
crusade. The City seems more than willing to take up pop culture causes. They
certainly are not reluctant to spend taxpayer money. And they already exhibit a
marked tendency to tell people what to do.
Remember, they made us safe from the
danger of cell phones. I know this because I was out walking today and just
managed to dodge a bicyclist who was riding on the sidewalk, going the wrong way
of course. Thankfully, he wasn’t talking on a cell phone, so I am filled with
gratitude the city solved that problem.
Anyway, pass a law. We need more
government to tell us what to eat, where to shop, how to start a business, and
how high we can stand on a ladder. We need more government to tell us what we
can say, how much water our toilets can use, and what our rights are.
More
government! President Obama just proposed a new budget that adds $1.33 trillion
to the national debt. Jacob Lew, the president’s chief of staff, said, “I think
there is pretty broad agreement that the time for austerity is not today.”
Ergo, we need more government to solve the problems not solved by more
government. One might justifiably wonder when austerity would be an appropriate
strategy. The answer, of course, is never.
More laws. More control. More
government! The Left only has one way to look at things. It’s the same tired
solution offered time after time. And they are never deterred by their constant
failures. They quickly take credit for anything good, and blame others for the
collateral damage they cause.
It is the height of irony that they
call themselves progressives, given this inexorable “progression” toward
financial and cultural disaster. It’s like a car careening toward a cliff. But
let’s be clear, it’s not just them. While the Left wants to step on the gas,
Republicans only want to slow down to 55. Either way, we’re still going to do a Thelma
and Louise.
But I digress. I need to get back to
my air hose problem. I suggest that the City create a 1500 page law that tells
gas stations where the air hose must be located, who can use it, and what color
it should be. And a disclosure sign with mandated language, sort of like the
drug commercials on TV that spend the whole time telling us about side effects:
“Use of this air hose may cause a tripping hazard or an explosion. Do not use
when drowsy or operating heavy equipment. Side effects include thoughts of
suicide, depression, anxiety, hangnails, and scurvy. Do not inhale.”
I experienced a clear case of
inattentive hosing. Since the city council seems willing to hose the taxpayer,
maybe they could remedy this serious public safety problem. If it saves just one
life it will be worth it.
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