The Mailbag: Can unforgiveness cause you to you lose your salvation? - by Michelle Lesley

Found here. Our comments in bold.

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The author provides a detailed description of her doctrine, but it is based on a presumption. That presumption is Calvinism. Calvinism is often summed up with the acronym TULIP:

• Total Depravity - man is unable to choose God or participate in any way in salvation
• Unconditional Election - God chooses those who will be saved (the Elect)
• Limited Atonement - the blood of Jesus only applies to the Elect
• Irresistible Grace - those God has chosen for salvation cannot resist 
• Perseverance of the Saints - The Elect cannot fall away, they will endure to the end

One can see that a couple of these items come to bear on the author's presentation, particularly Unconditional Election and Perseverance of the Saints. So a Calvinist cannot accept the idea that someone might fall from the faith or lose their salvation. Their answer is that the one who falls away was never saved, i.e., a false convert.

Further, a person who falls away may yet be a Christian. Such a person might live the rest of their life grieving the Holy Spirit, yet ultimately would repent, perhaps days or hours before death.

But what if this person doesn't repent? Is it a requirement to be a completely repentant person the moment before death? Does salvation depend on the last thought that goes through our minds? Is good fruit required for the duration of one's life after salvation? Is salvation an event or a process?

These scenarios do not lend themselves well to doctrinal pigeon-holing. Thus, as with so many of these doctrinal debates, ultimately it does not matter. It does not matter if a person is a false convert or has rejected their faith. It does not matter, doctrinally speaking, to know these things or have a doctrine that parses it out. 

But it is important to Calvinists. 

This kind of fruitless doctrinal hair-splitting is typical for them. We say fruitless because the distinction between falling away as opposed to being a false convert does not contribute to a life of faith or worship, proper service, generosity, holiness, or anything else that constitutes Christian maturity.

Nevertheless, we shall examine the author's presentation. 

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Originally published August 19, 2019

Can you lose your salvation?

The first thing we need to tackle is whether or not someone whom Christ has genuinely saved can lose her salvation – for unforgiveness or any other reason. And the answer to that question is no.

Why? The short answer is that if God saves someone, and that person can subsequently “unsave” herself, that makes her more powerful than God, which, as we know, can’t happen. (How does this make you more powerful than God? The author assumes this to be true without documenting the claim.)

You can’t save yourself, and you can’t unsave yourself. Salvation is all of God. (Here's the unstated Calvinism, presented with bare assertions.)

When God saves you, you are His new creation in Christ. (True statement, with a relevant Bible verse referenced.)

You can’t “uncreate” your new spiritual life any more than you can “uncreate” your body, or a tree, or a planet. (Bare assertion.)

You can kill or do damage to those things, but you cannot reverse God’s creative process. (Bare assertion.)

To use another example, oh so relevant to today, God created you female. You can mutilate your body til kingdom come trying to appear male, but that will not change the fact that at your genetic level – the very essence of your being – you are female. (Certainly true, but the analogy doesn't necessarily apply to salvation.)

And you can’t undo that because God created you that way, and you’re not more powerful than God. If you can’t even change God’s creation of your physical body, how in the world can you change God’s creation of your spiritual being? (People already change creation in all sorts of ways. Just because God has designed something does not make that design immutable. For example, Dolly the sheep was cloned, which is a violation of God's design. 

Adam's sin brought death into the world (Ro. 5:12), which was not God's design. Now, we are not saying that God is helpless to do anything about these things, but we are saying that the author's analogy does not hold up.)

In addition to the fact that you can’t uncreate the new creature God has created you to be, you need to remember that the moment God saves you, He forgives all your sins, past, present, and future, and robes you in the righteousness of Christ. (Another true statement, with a relevant Bible verse referenced.)

That swear word you’re going to say next week? Already forgiven. That lie you’re going to tell five years from now? Already forgiven. And if you decide to commit the sin of refusing to forgive someone, that sin has already been forgiven too. (So since all our sins are already forgiven, we can just commit as much sin as we want and we don’t have to worry about it, right? Wrong.) We still need to confess those sins to God and be cleansed from them because they disrupt our fellowship with God, but in His accounting office, that sin debt has already been marked “paid in full”. (Again, all generally true statements with relevant Bible verses referenced.)

Furthermore, Jesus tells us plainly that if He’s got you, He’s got you:

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” (Jn. 10:27-30.)

No one. That includes you and your sin. The power of your sin is not greater than God’s power to forgive that sin. (You know, every Christian would assent to all these principles. But none of this speaks to whether or not a person might be a false convert. For a false convert would also assent to these, if only out of ignorance of their eternal state. But a false convert believes he is saved.

The real issue is, how does one know if he is part of the Elect? This is approximately the same question as, how does one know if he is saved? The Calvinist can't know any more than a non-Calvinist. Eternal security is no better explained by Calvinism.

So let's take this opportunity to discuss Election. We will go into some detail, so bear with us.

Since the author appeals to these verses in John 10 as proof a true convert cannot lose his salvation, we first need to consider the context to determine the accuracy of her claims. Who is Jesus talking about? The first thing to note is Jesus had just healed a blind man, and was responding to the Pharisees. Jesus proclaimed: 

Jn. 9:39 Jesus said, “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”

The Pharisees clearly knew he was talking about them: 

Jn. 9:40 Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, “What? Are we blind too?”

This is the context for the "sheep know my voice" passages in John chapter 10. Specifically, Jesus was telling the crowd that they should not listen to the Pharisees. They were misleading the sheep. 

Second, we know that He was specifically talking about Jews because there are other sheep:

Jn. 10:16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.

We, the gentile believers, are those other sheep. 

The hostile Pharisees and disbelieving Jews continued to challenge Him:

Jn. 10:24 The Jews gathered round him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.”

This was when He mentioned the sheep metaphor again, which is the author's quote: 

Jn. 10:27-30 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

So follow closely. Jesus' Jewish audience would have immediately understood His claim to be the Good Shepherd, which is why they so violently responded:

Ez. 34:31 "You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God," declares the Sovereign LORD.

The Pharisees clearly understood that Israel was God's sheep, and the Lord is their shepherd. Jesus as the Good Shepherd was making a clear claim to Deity. 

Further, Jesus was talking to these hostile Jews about Jews, since the Jews could not even consider that anyone but Jews could be saved. Therefore, this is not about gentile believers.

Need more evidence?

Jesus directly said the Father gave them to Him. That is, what was given to Jesus was the Jews, His inheritance: 

De. 32:9 For the LORD’s portion is his people, Jacob his allotted inheritance.

Je. 2:3: "Israel was holy to the LORD, the firstfruits of his harvest...

Israel, the firstfruits. Salvation was meant for them first:

Ro. 1:16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

Only His inheritance, specifically, the firstfruits, the children of promise [Ro. 9:8], are the Elect.

It's clear that Jesus was not talking about gentile believers. Therefore, the Jews who believed Him are the ones who cannot be snatched from His hand. 

Need more proof? Let's look at Ephesians chapter one. Here we see Paul making the claim about being chosen: : 

Ep. 1:4-5 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will —

Ep. 1:11-12 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, Ep. 1:12 in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

He chose "us," He predestined "us." The "us" were those who were the first hope in Christ.

Let's continue:

Ep. 1:13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit...

Notice the switch in the narrative? Paul began by speaking of "us." Ep. 1:4:

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.

But then we read Ep. 1:13:

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth... 

"You also." First Paul is talking about how "we" [those who were first to hope in Christ, vs. 12] are predestined, but then in verse 13 he turned to his audience and told them "you also" were included, and that happened when "you" heard the word of truth.

So who was Paul talking about when he was discussing predestined/chosen for "we/us?" The apostles and the very first Jewish believers (i.e., the firstfuits).  And who was he talking about when he changed the narrative and began addressing his audience, "you?" His audience, the Ephesian church, and the rest of us gentiles. 

So we too are included at the moment of faith, which is Good News indeed. But we gentiles are not predestined. We are not the Elect.)

They will never perish. To say that a person about which Jesus Himself has said, “I give them eternal life,” can lose her salvation is to call Jesus a liar. He says that person “will never perish.” End of story. (Well, the word "perish" is apollumi:

 from 575 /apó, "away from," which intensifies ollymi, "to destroy") – properly, fully destroy, cutting off entirely (note the force of the prefix, 575 /apó).

622 /apóllymi ("violently/completely perish") implies permanent (absolute) destruction, i.e. to cancel out (remove); "to die, with the implication of ruin and destruction" (L & N, 1, 23.106); cause to be lost (utterly perish) by experiencing a miserable end.

The same Greek word is used here:

Ro. 14:15 If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died.

So when Jesus says they will never perish in Jn. 10:28, He's really saying that He will never destroy or cause to come to a miserable end one of His sheep. This does not speak to those who would cause their own miserable end by rejecting their salvation.)

Still not convinced that someone whom Christ has genuinely saved can’t lose her salvation? Try these passages on for size. (She links to John 6:37-40, Ephesians 1:13-14, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22, and Romans 8:35-39. However, all these passages can be understood through the template we just provided.)

Now the reason it can look to us like someone can lose her salvation comes from two places: experience and misunderstanding the Bible. (Are these really the only two options?)

Experience:

It’s happened plenty of times in the past, but in the last few weeks, we’ve seen two high profile evangelicals “walk away from the faith,”: Joshua Harris and Marty Sampson. Maybe you know someone personally – a friend, a loved one, even a pastor – who gave every appearance of being a Christian and then suddenly left Christianity, and the church, behind.

How does this compute when the Bible teaches that genuinely born again Christians cannot lose their salvation? Well, we need to remember something else the Bible teaches that’s very important:

Not everyone who claims to be a Christian actually is one.

Some people consciously know they’re not really saved and are just trying to pull the wool over the eyes of others. But many (my guess is “most” – these days there’s not a lot of social cachet in calling yourself a Christian) are deceived into believing they’re saved. Maybe they heard some sort of unbiblical gospel presentation and have put their faith in a decision they made in response. Maybe they just assume they’re saved because they’re good church-going people and their church doesn’t teach them otherwise. Who knows? It could be a lot of things. But we know for sure that there are many people who call themselves Christians and believe they are Christians who aren’t. Why? Because the Bible says so:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Matthew 7:21-23

“Many will say”…False converts are common, not few and far between. And it’s not just your average Joe or Jane in the pew, either. People who “prophesy…cast out demons…do mighty works” under the auspices of Christianity? They’re pastors, elders, deacons, Bible study teachers, seminary professors, “Christian” authors, evangelical celebrities. And Christ does not know them, because they don’t know Him. They talk the talk, and might even look like they walk the walk, but they’ve never truly believed the biblical gospel, repented of their sin, and trusted the Jesus of Scripture to save them. (This is something the author cannot know.)

First John 2:18-19 puts it this way:

Children, it is the last hour, and as you have heard that antichrist is coming, so now many antichrists have come. Therefore we know that it is the last hour. They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us.

People whom Jesus has genuinely saved may fall into sin for a season, but they do not fall away from the faith. (A distinction without a difference. Falling into sin is the same thing as falling away from the faith.)

Those who leave the faith were never part of it in the first place, despite appearances or their claims to the contrary. (The author's language betrays her. One cannot leave something one wasn't first a part of.)

It might be difficult, but this is one of those occasions when we have to believe what Scripture says over what we can see.

Jesus also tells us in the parable of the sower that there will be be “rocky ground” folks who will appear to be Christians, but because they have no root, they “endure for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away.” (This is offered as a proof text, but the parable can be read either way.)

Jesus follows up this parable with the parable of the wheat and tares which further drives home His point that there will be impostors in the visible church. (Ho-boy. We are pretty sure the author is reading this parable incorrectly. Let's quote it: 

Mt. 13:24-29 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field.

25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed ears, then the weeds also appeared.

27 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, `Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

28 “`An enemy did this,’ he replied. “The servants asked him, `Do you want us to go and pull them up?’

29 “`No,’ he answered, `because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’“

This is a Kingdom parable, so Jesus was talking in the context of New Covenant, the church age. The Sower knew who did this. But he told His servants to let the weeds alone, they will be dealt with at the harvest, that is, at the end of the age.

The servants recognized the weeds. Who are the servants? Well, those who are saved. The author calls the weeds imposters, that is, people who seem to be Christians but aren't. But if God's servants actually recognize them as weeds, then they can't be imposters.

What does the parable really mean? Well, the enemy is at work within the Church, sowing seeds of division, discord, selfishness, and excusing sin. And those who are weeds are left there the so as not to damage the wheat. 

The author is mistaken.)

So even though we observe people who appear to be Christians “falling away from the faith,” through unforgiveness or any other sin, we know that what’s really happening is that a lost person got tired of pretending to be saved and went back to being a lost person. Second Peter 2:22 puts it this way:

What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

If Christ has never fundamentally changed your spiritual nature from dog or pig into a new creature in Christ, you’re still a dog or a pig. And even if you manage to clean up on the outside you’ll eventually return to the vomit of being a dog and the mud of being a pig because that’s your nature. (Ho-boy. This passage is about false teachers, not false converts.)

Misunderstood Scripture

There are passages in the Bible that, when misunderstood, when taken out of their immediate context, or when taken out of the overall context of Scripture can seem to teach that a person can lose her salvation. But as we’ve seen, there are way too many rightly handled, in context passages of Scripture that refute that idea.

Can you lose your salvation by refusing to forgive someone?

You mentioned in your original question that you believe unforgiveness can cause someone to lose her salvation because, “It is so clear in so many ways in Scripture, even parables that Jesus told.” But, you did not mention any of the Scriptures you think teach this. My guess is that one of the Scriptures you’re thinking of is Matthew 6:14-15:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

In context, we can see that these two verses come at the end of the Lord’s Prayer. In verse 12, Jesus has just taught us to pray that God would “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,” and He’s giving us a little addendum on this in 14-15.

Remember, even though all our sins from birth to death were forgiven at the moment of our salvation, we still need to confess our sins in prayer and ask God to cleanse us from our wrongdoing to bring us back into right fellowship with Him. But if you’re willfully in the middle of committing the sin of unforgiveness against someone, you’re still actively sinning. You haven’t turned from that sin in order to be cleansed. You’re essentially rolling around in the mud and asking God to cleanse you while you have no intention of getting out of the mud. (Sounds like a false convert...)

How is that supposed to work? It doesn’t make any sense. If you want to get cleaned up (“forgiven”), you have to get out of the mud (stop committing the sin of unforgiveness – “forgive”). Otherwise, you’re asking God to restore the fellowship you’re still actively damaging with your sin.

Another passage you might be thinking of is the parable of the unforgiving servant. The takeaway from this passage is not that God will rescind the salvation of Christians who commit the sin of unforgiveness. This passage doesn’t say that and we already know that idea conflicts with what Scripture teaches about the security of the Believer. (This is the crux of the problem. The author has decided her doctrine, thus any Scripture that appears to contradict this must be explained away.)

The takeaway from this passage is that God has forgiven us a sin debt that is incomprehensible. Knowing and having experienced that forgiveness, how could we not forgive some paltry little sin another human commits against us? First John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us,” and the way He loved us was to forgive us our sin. So we also forgive because He first forgave us. And if we can giddily and unrepentantly harbor unforgiveness in our hearts against someone else, we’d better start testing ourselves against Scripture to see if we’re really in the faith. Because that kind of unforgiveness is not the fruit of a redeemed life, it’s the fruit of someone who’s unsaved. (And now we have arrived at the main issue, the assurance of salvation. By this measure one of the Elect can easily question their salvation and wonder if they are false converts. The author has set us up in an untenable situation, where no one can truly know if they're saved, or just temporarily sinning.)

No, a genuinely regenerated Christian cannot lose her salvation by committing the sin of unforgiveness. But if she is genuinely regenerated, she will repent of that sin and forgive.

Additional Resources:

Walking Away from Faith? at A Word Fitly Spoken Podcast

Forgiving Like Kings and Servants

You Can’t Love Jesus with a Heart Full of Hate: 7 Reasons to Love and Forgive Your Enemies

Am I Really Saved? A 1 John Check Up