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Friday, February 1, 2019

Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.

This was posted on FB:


It was a Christian friend that posted this, I suspect related to some past abuse she endured. On the surface the meme seems to make sense. But the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. So let's analyze the post.

The implication of the meme is that there is some sort of line that cannot be crossed regarding how we let people treat us. If you search youtube, you'll find many videos about not tolerating ANY disrespect. So as we consider the matter, where that line is drawn is important.

Unfortunately, this line drawing is often a matter of pride. Holding one's self in high esteem means that any perceived slight must be greeted with a forceful rejoinder. Put that person back in their place. Make sure they never disrespect you again. Slap them down, and make it hurt.
Pr. 18:19 An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city...
So when we are offended, we become unyielding. Our way or the highway. Nothing can break through. We wall ourselves off and cannot be persuaded to show mercy or consider anything else than our own offense.

It seems to me that the Savior's toleration of disrespect ought to be our baseline. And that is a high standard indeed. He endured the shame of the cross for our sake. He did not hold our sins against us, but instead bore them to the cross. He stood silent before His accusers.

The last half of the statement is you are teaching people how to treat you. I don't think this is true at all. It presumes that people are watching you get abused, and then they supposedly feel free to happily join in themselves. I don't think this happens very much, if at all. I don't think someone's toleration of abuse teaches others to also abuse.

Just the opposite, in fact. I think when people see someone being abused, it draws out their compassion and rescue instincts. They want to put a stop to it, not participate in it.

We conclude that the meme is at best unchristian, and at worst completely false.

2 comments:

  1. This thought just popped in my head after reading this: Did Jesus put up any boundaries or teach that we should have them?

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  2. Interesting question.

    "Boundaries" are usually lines that are drawn for stopping intrusion into personal areas. It doesn't seem to me that Jesus had these kinds of boundaries. He did not have a "this far and no farther."

    In a sense, when Jesus withdrew to pray, that might be a boundary. He needed to be alone. But we don't know that Jesus did this to prevent intrusion into a personal thing, or if He simply wanted a quiet place.

    Another might be His refusal to be made king. But I would be inclined to think this is staying on mission as opposed to drawing a line.

    Also, He overturned the moneychangers, which suggest they violated boundaries. But those boundaries weren't his personal boundaries. Jesus had a lot of lines drawn for what constitutes righteousness.

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