Here Is How You Say Goodbye To Your Forever Person - By Heidi Priebe

Found here. Our comments in bold.

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When we consider the case someone is making for taking action, we should always examine the premises. Here we have an author who in the final analysis is seeking to justify a decision, not provide a framework for making it.

On a style note, it's really irritating when the writer employs so many one-sentence paragraphs. I suppose it's intended to come across as conversational and down to earth, but it's simply distracting.

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Our ‘forever people’ are, by definition, the ones we’re meant to never say goodbye to. (This sentence implies there is a higher reason for relationship, in that there is some sort of destiny to be together. We're "meant to never say goodbye." So how is it that the author is going to provide us a way out of what was meant to be?

And we note that later the author will assert there are no "forever people," except for one's self.)
They’re our ride-or-dies. Our partners in crime. Our come-hell-or-high water. Our lobsters.

They’re the people who feel like home, in a way that even we do not always understand. They take care of us at our worst. They applaud us at our best. They’re the people we picture by our sides in ten, twenty, fifty years, through every challenge and obstacle.

They’re our forever people. The whole point is that they’re not supposed to go anywhere. (Is this an accurate representation? Is it someone else that is going, or the author herself?)

But here’s the thing about life: It works in funny and sometimes unfortunate ways.

The people who could have been there forever are sometimes the very ones we have to let go – often for reasons that are entirely outside of our control. (Now the author is a victim of circumstance, and not her own choices.)

And so what do we do, when we find ourselves confronted with this uncomfortable reality?

How do you say goodbye to the person you thought you’d have at your side for the rest of your life?

How do you let forever go? (Isn't her question really, "how do I get out of something I thought I had committed my life to, without seeming like the bad guy in the relationship?")

Maybe this is how:

You start by not downplaying their significance.

You start by accepting that they mattered, in a way nobody before them ever did, and it’s possible that nobody after them ever will.

You start by accepting that you met your forever person when the timing was wrong or the stars weren’t aligned or in a Universe where the two of you just couldn’t make it to the finish line. (Does the word "commitment" come into play? Were there promises made? Or are we simply looking for excuses to assuage our guilty feelings?)

You start by letting it sink in that maybe they were ‘The One,’ whether that’s a term that you believe in or not.

Because in some capacity, they were. They were the one person your heart felt capable of loving forever. And that means something. (Um, no it doesn't. If a relationship, no matter how important, can be thrown away whenever it seems convenient, then it doesn't mean anything.)

It’s always going to.

But love isn’t always enough to keep two people together. (Love is an emotion. Commitment is a choice.)

So when you have to say goodbye to your forever person, be thankful. ("Have to?" No one has to do anything. This woman wants to, and wants justification for it by wrapping up her selfishness in flowery language. 

But the dark underbelly is still showing. It's a heinous act to run out on a commitment, no matter how cleverly we construct justifications for it.)

Be thankful that you met them. (Thankful to whom? Who is the object to which thanks should be given? God, maybe?)

Be thankful that you got the chance to know them. Be thankful that you got to feel the way you felt about them in your lifetime. Because some people never do.

Some people go their whole lives never knowing what it feels like to be with their forever person. (And the "forever person" who isn't actually forever at all.)

They may fall in love several times. They may even get married. They may live out their ‘forever’ alongside someone whom they figure is the best reasonable fit for them. But they may never have the true connection, the true devotion, the true intimacy that comes from meeting that one person, who you just know is the one you’re supposed to stay with. (Emotional drivel.)

Some people never meet their forever people at all. But you met yours.

And if that’s not something to be grateful for, I don’t know what is.

And so when you have to let go of your forever person, do so calmly. Do so with gratitude. Do so with the understanding that we don’t get to keep all the gifts that we are given in life. Some things we’re just lent. And sometimes we have to let that be enough. (Imagine applying these standards to your children. Your parents. Your God. Doesn't sound quite so wonderful anymore, does it?)

Because if you can be a big enough person to appreciate what you have while you have it, and to let it go with gratitude when it’s time to do so, you gain the respect of the one person who you’re never going to have to let go of: yourself. (It's all about me. That's the bottom line. My happiness. My preferences. My emotions. Me Me Me.)

Because the truth is, you only ever get one guaranteed forever person in life: And that person is you. (So the author walks back everything she previously said. There is no forever person except you. So you have permission then to run out on anyone else, since the only one that is forever is you, prior statements not withstanding.)

You’re the one who’s going to be there through every twist and turn, every bump in the road, every beautiful beginning and painful ending. And when you’re facing the latter, it’s your forever person who’s going to get you through it. It’s you who’s going to figure out how to keep yourself moving forward when everything seems to be crumbling apart. (Oh, aren't you so wonderful!!)

And so when you have to let the person you wanted to spend forever with go, don’t let the person you are going to spend forever with fall to pieces. Care for that person. Nourish that person. Be there for that person.

And above all else, be proud of that person. (The author has had one too many self-esteem classes.)

Be proud that you didn’t hold back on the thing that matters most. Be proud that you gave it all you had, when you could have only gone in halfway. Be proud that you risked something as huge and important as your heart, even if it didn’t end up lasting forever.

Be proud that you now know yourself to be someone who is capable of loving someone else forever.

Because you, of all people, know how incredibly and intoxicatingly rare people like that happen to be. (Be proud of your failures. Do whatever is needed to take away the cognitive dissonance and guilt. You're such a great person, so running out on your forever person is noble and admirable.  But why did this happen to me???? AAArrrrgh, I'm so hurt, I need to write an article explaining that it was actually a good thing and I'm so incredibly great that I really didn't need that person after all.

Yeah, that's it. I am so wonderful that the other person was cramping my style. I didn't feel like putting the work necessary to make the relationship work, so rather than do that I create a pink unicorn scenario where I'm the wonderful one. And it all so uplifting, so noble, so obviously right. 

The self-delusion in this one is powerful, Obi-Wan.)