Joel Osteen Claims Jacob Slept with Wrong Woman Because He Was Drunk - Staff Writer

Found here. Our comments in bold.

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Hyperventilating Protestia goes catawampus on Joel Osteen for not saying what they thought he said. This is our continuing complaint about the Doctrinal Police. Looking diligently under every rock for perceived heresy, they go ballistic over the slightest deviation from what they consider pure doctrine.

We should say that there are many things Osteen has said that are problematic. But we are not here to defend him. Rather, we intend to examine Protestia's statements.

Protestia claims Osteen was "molesting" this Scripture, which is a hyperbolic characterization. Osteen is quoted as saying, "I can imagine Jacob went to bed that night with a little too much to drink." 

Now, even a casual reader can see that Osteen was speculating. "I can imagine..." is not the same as saying, "Jacob was drunk..." But more to the point, is Osteen introducing an egregiously offensive concept into the narrative? Well, no. Jewish wedding parties were big, prolonged affairs, lasting for days. They were boisterous, there was lots of drinking and dancing.

Protestia seems to have forgotten Jesus' first recorded miracle. Jn. 2:1-9 

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 

4 “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” 

6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. 7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. 8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine.

Notice that the wedding had already been going on long enough to run out of wine. Jesus makes at least 120 gallons of wine. So this was a big wedding party. And Jesus made it possible for the party to continue. 

This means that Osteen's speculation is quite possible.

And really, have we become so inoculated to the details of Jacob's story as to not be amazed anymore? This man is to be given his wife, he spends the night with Leah and finds out the next morning that he slept with the wrong woman. How does such a thing happen? This is very unusual, and it simply doesn't follow that a man of Jacob's intelligence could have been fooled into sleeping with a different woman. Unless of course we consider the possibility that he was impaired. 

Further, we must consider that Jacob was a very flawed man. He tricked his brother into selling his birthright (Ge. 25:29). He participated in tricking his father Isaac in order to steal Esau's blessing (Ge. 27:8). He slept with Rachel's servant repeatedly (Ge. 30:2, Ge. 30:7). He made enemies of his brothers in law (Ge. 31:1) and his father in law (Ge. 31:49). He lied to Esau after reconciling with him (Ge. 33:17). 

So Jacob could well have been drunk. It is not so far-fetched as Protestia would like us to believe.

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Within the pantheon of wretchedly preached Joel Osteen sermons, one has caught our attention, in which he claims that the reason Jacob didn’t know he was having sex with Leah instead of Rachel is on account of him being too drunk to tell the difference.

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It is no wonder he plays so fast and loose with the scriptures, molesting them with his permanently plastered-on grin, taking the story of Israel and transforming into some debaucherous narrative that the scriptures never say.

Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. (Laban gave his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant.) And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” (Genesis 29:21-25 ESV)

"Jacob worked those seven years being his best. He didn’t just pass the time, he excelled. Because of Jacob, Laban became very wealthy. His flocks multiplied many times over.

Seven years finally came and Jacob was so excited. In those days at the wedding the bride wore a very thick veil—you couldn’t see who was in there. After the big celebration, with partying and dancing, I can imagine Jacob went to bed that night with a little too much to drink.

The next morning when he woke up, he leaned over to kiss his new bride. But it wasn’t Rachel it was her sister Leah. Jacob nearly passed out." [According to Osteen]