Me: Yes. What's going on?
Him: My wife doesn't feel comfortable at church anymore, she wants to leave. She will stick around as long as I say that's where we're going, but she doesn't want to. Do you have any wisdom?
Me: Is her decision an emotional one, or a spiritual one? Not to be condescending, but a "feeling" is not a basis for these kinds of decisions. I am wandering into dangerous territory, but I need to ask: Has she been actively ministering in the church, or has she come to get her needs met?
You'll probably hate me, but let me press further. What has God called her to, what are her spiritual gifts, and has she been pursuing these? Please forgive me for overstepping my boundaries.
Him: You're not overstepping, I asked you, remember? She has never been ministered to in the way she feels that the church should minister to her.
Except for a handful of people she doesn't feel welcomed in the church. Or that she is wanted there.
Me: Some people are outgoing and friends to everyone, while others are more reserved. Being reserved can be interpreted by the extroverts as being unapproachable. For me personally, I had to consciously choose to talk to people and get to know them. It's still terribly hard for me. But if I'm going to have relationships in the church, it's up to me.
Him: You're not overstepping, I asked you, remember? She has never been ministered to in the way she feels that the church should minister to her.
Except for a handful of people she doesn't feel welcomed in the church. Or that she is wanted there.
Me: Some people are outgoing and friends to everyone, while others are more reserved. Being reserved can be interpreted by the extroverts as being unapproachable. For me personally, I had to consciously choose to talk to people and get to know them. It's still terribly hard for me. But if I'm going to have relationships in the church, it's up to me.
You should talk to K.D.. He's a severe introvert and really struggles with getting to know people. I know that feelings are difficult to overcome, but sometimes it takes more from us than we think we should expend in order to break through.
Him: I have been trying to get her to involve herself more in the church for years. I have even asked other women of the church to specifically invite her to events. I think she now is beyond the point of trying.
If she feels that she cannot grow as a Christian at this church, then do I continue to force her to go here? And do I continue to go if she doesn't? I'm not comfortable with dividing my family that way.
Me: One of the hardest things is to be what your title confers, a husband: "A prudent or frugal manager or steward." How do you best ensure the spiritual fruitfulness of that which you are charged with husbanding? Sometimes the answer is to insist on her embracing that to which she is called, even if she doesn't want to. Other times, it is to let her go the way she wants with the hope she'll realize her error at some point.
Him: I have been trying to get her to involve herself more in the church for years. I have even asked other women of the church to specifically invite her to events. I think she now is beyond the point of trying.
If she feels that she cannot grow as a Christian at this church, then do I continue to force her to go here? And do I continue to go if she doesn't? I'm not comfortable with dividing my family that way.
Me: One of the hardest things is to be what your title confers, a husband: "A prudent or frugal manager or steward." How do you best ensure the spiritual fruitfulness of that which you are charged with husbanding? Sometimes the answer is to insist on her embracing that to which she is called, even if she doesn't want to. Other times, it is to let her go the way she wants with the hope she'll realize her error at some point.
I agree, though. Separating the family is not a good idea. You also have a calling that you must not compromise. Is your wife Scripturally submissive? Or will she rebel when you take leadership in a way she doesn't like? Are you fearful of repercussions from her? All these must be answered before you can make your choice.
This appears to be a long standing problem, rather than something related to our church. Somehow you'll need to get at the root of it and not accept the offered excuse.
This appears to be a long standing problem, rather than something related to our church. Somehow you'll need to get at the root of it and not accept the offered excuse.
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