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The author presumes that any person who wants to attend a Reformed/Calvinist church is automatically correct, but if this person's spouse doesn't want to, well, they need to be "gently" persuaded.
Doctrine is the measure. And it's a very particular set of doctrines. These doctrines are an end to themselves, doctrine for doctrine's sake. Such doctrines don't edify, don't encourage holiness, and are in the end of no practical use.
The fact that these odd doctrines occupy such prominence in a church is telling. While we don't doubt that Reformed/Calvinists on the whole are Christians, this article has troubling cultic undertones. It's presented as practical advice, but it is a bit creepy.
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One of the regular patterns I observed in my pastorate was the mismatched married couple. I’m not talking about a mismatched couple in terms of personalities or interests, but rather a theologically mismatched couple. It seems that every so often a couple would visit the church—one person was on fire for the recently discovered Reformed faith and the other person was not sure what was happening, but they were just along for the ride. One spouse was reading and devouring books, talking about imputed righteousness, the regulative principle, and supralapsarianism, (This statement is representative of all that's wrong with Reformed doctrine. These three doctrines, completely irrelevant to holiness, worship, service, or generosity, are touted as wonderful things.
The first piece of advice I usually offered such couples is, be patient. No matter how much pleading, arguing (i.e., making a case), books, and dragging you might try to do, your spouse will not be convinced. (Notice that the Reformed spouse is not the one who needs to change, it's the one who doesn't want to be Reformed.)
One of the regular patterns I observed in my pastorate was the mismatched married couple. I’m not talking about a mismatched couple in terms of personalities or interests, but rather a theologically mismatched couple. It seems that every so often a couple would visit the church—one person was on fire for the recently discovered Reformed faith and the other person was not sure what was happening, but they were just along for the ride. One spouse was reading and devouring books, talking about imputed righteousness, the regulative principle, and supralapsarianism, (This statement is representative of all that's wrong with Reformed doctrine. These three doctrines, completely irrelevant to holiness, worship, service, or generosity, are touted as wonderful things.
If one spouse is truly "on fire" for a theological perspective and not for God Himself, he/she is likely boorish, arrogant, and likely creating strife over obtuse and obscure doctrines. And shame on the author for mistaking enthusiasm about doctrine for enthusiasm about God.)
and the other spouse was wondering what was wrong with their old Methodist church. (No, the other spouse is wondering what the big to-do is about when it comes to esoteric discussions about doctrines that are only intellectual exercises.)
To say the least, as the old Journey song goes, the two people were headed separate ways, “Here we stand, worlds apart . . .” What counsel should you give such people?
The first piece of advice I usually offered such couples is, be patient. No matter how much pleading, arguing (i.e., making a case), books, and dragging you might try to do, your spouse will not be convinced. (Notice that the Reformed spouse is not the one who needs to change, it's the one who doesn't want to be Reformed.)
You must hold out the Reformed faith with an open hand and live your theology more than talk about it. (How does one live one's theology when the theology has nothing to do with daily living?)
What good will it do you, for example, to get angry and exasperated all under the guise of “living the Reformed faith” (Not living for Jesus?)
before your unpersuaded spouse? All he’ll think is that you’ve become quite the jerk since becoming convinced of Reformed theology. (The truest thing the author will write...)
Being patient doesn’t mean twiddling your thumbs. Rather, it means praying for your spouse and living out your sanctification—showing your spouse the love of Christ in word, thought, and deed. (This is quite correct, but nothing in this involves the Reformed faith.)
Second, ensure that your spouse is truly ready to leave your old church for the right reasons. If he or she believes that you’re leaving your old church simply to please or appease you, then chances are you’re headed for problems. Both of you have to be prepared to leave your old church because you believe it’s the right thing to do, and because your new church bears the three marks: preaching the word, administering the sacraments, and administering discipline. (These three marks are not exclusively Reformed. And, what about a church that worships? What about a church that evangelizes or disciples? What about a church the pursues holiness? Does only the doctrines relentlessly preached by Reformists, along with the forms and traditions, do these take precedence over any other consideration?)
Third, as a pastor, don’t put the “hard sell” on couples like this. (Hmm. The author describes one of the spouses as a pastor. Actually, the author has switched from his advising couples to advising the pastor who is advising the couple.)
Second, ensure that your spouse is truly ready to leave your old church for the right reasons. If he or she believes that you’re leaving your old church simply to please or appease you, then chances are you’re headed for problems. Both of you have to be prepared to leave your old church because you believe it’s the right thing to do, and because your new church bears the three marks: preaching the word, administering the sacraments, and administering discipline. (These three marks are not exclusively Reformed. And, what about a church that worships? What about a church that evangelizes or disciples? What about a church the pursues holiness? Does only the doctrines relentlessly preached by Reformists, along with the forms and traditions, do these take precedence over any other consideration?)
Third, as a pastor, don’t put the “hard sell” on couples like this. (Hmm. The author describes one of the spouses as a pastor. Actually, the author has switched from his advising couples to advising the pastor who is advising the couple.)
You should most certainly encourage them to join your church, but not at the expense of possibly creating dissension between a married couple. Through patience, love, and gentle instruction, you might be able to help a couple like this make the change in due course. Offer, for example, to meet with the couple and teach them about the Reformed faith. (But don't teach them about the Christian faith...)
Offer to have another couple in the church who made a similar transition counsel with them. In the end, these actions are planting and watering, but God must give the increase. Only he will convince the suspicious spouse that leaving the old church for the new one is the right course of action. (But that is the matter to be demonstrated.)
Pray, therefore, for married couples like this. In due course, God willing, they will eventually end up heading in the same direction—they will not be a house divided. (Hopefully that direction will be away from toxic Reformed churches and towards a Bible-believing church.)
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