Disappointing Fourth of July quiz Ken Jennings, Parade Magazine

Yesterday's Parade Magazine offered this quiz to its readers. The magazine cover looks like this:

"Could you ace America 101?" Sounds like it's going to be a test of the events and people surrounding the signing of the Declaration, especially since the painting depicts that very event. A challenge to history buffs, right? A chance to show off your knowledge of the founding? Well, not quite.

Our first hint that something is awry is their reference to "Fourth of July," not "Independence Day." This may seem like a minor point, but the holiday is not the date, it is the event. The holiday is being watered down into a midsummer picnic, while the events in which these courageous and wise men participated are falling from public knowledge.

Our second hint is the semi-disrespectful sentences inserted into the painting. The actual words of the founders are much more interesting and provocative than are these pithy pop-culture references. This was serious stuff they were doing. It was treason. They could all be executed. Yet the Parade saw fit to demean their work and their sacrifice. Truly disappointing.

Ok, on to the quiz of our knowledge of the founding. Page 1:

 
Question 1: "Three of these foreign-sounding foods are actually American in origin. Which ones?" Not a very auspicious beginning from Mr. Jennings, the super-smart Jeopardy winner. Our test of American independence starts with food? Really?

Question 2: "These ribbons are given to some of America's bravest service members." A question about America! Unfortunately, it is a question better suited for Memorial Day, and has nothing to do with the Founding. The Silver Star was established in 1932. The Air Force Cross in 1960. The Medal of Honor in 1863. The Distinguished Service Cross in 1918.

Question 3: "The Statue of Liberty, dedicated in 1886, was a gift to the United States from the people of what nation?" The statue is more than 100 years after the Declaration! Well, at least there is a factual test of knowledge here, but still, will we have a question about the founding?

Question 4: "Can you, the people, put these constitutional amendments in the correct numerical order?" *Sigh* The Constitution, a critically important document, does not come to bear on the Declaration of Independence, which is the event depicted in the painting and the occasion for which we celebrate. Even granting the question as relevant, it still is a lousy question. The order of the amendments have little or no importance. The CONTENTS of the amendments, might that be worthy of testing, hmmm?

Question 5: "Do you recognize the first words communicated by these technologies?" No comment, because no founding knowledge is being tested.

On to page 2:

Question 6: "Which of the following products did botanist and inventor George Washington Carver make from peanuts?" Carver was born in 1864. An important man of history, but once again we have nothing about the founding.

Question 7: "Sequoyah is a hero of the Cherokee because in 1821 he gave them what?" Getting discouraging. Once again, no comment.

Question 8: "Can you spot the five differences between this painting and the real one on the cover?" Lawdy, lawdy, will Mr. Jennings EVER get around to the significance of this event? Parade refers you to its website with promises to give you more information, but the "quiz" link is dead. So not even on their website do we find the information we are now so desperately craving! *UPDATE* The link is now active. The quiz is posted here. 

Question 9: "What was Doubleday's real historical claim to fame?" Born in 1819. No connection to the founders or the Declaration.

Question 10: "Match each president to his administration's domestic program." This question is very nearly insulting. These men by and large instituted programs in contravention of the founders' intent. The programs referred to, more than any other thing, are the reason we find ourselves neck deep in debt, with a growing dependency class, and why we have fallen from our position as the pre-eminent world power. The founders would try them for treason.

Well, on to the next page. Maybe we will find something here connected to the founding or the painting.

Question 11: "The man on the $10 bill was never president." Alexander Hamilton was a key founding father, worthy of in depth study. There were many significant events and achievements of which he a participant or an instigator. He is certainly famous for being shot by Aaron Burr in a duel. But of all the things Mr. Jennings could quiz us, he chooses a question about his picture on a $10 bill. Amazing. Well, at least there is some impetus provided to actually research why Mr. Hamilton is famous.

Question 12: "Match these fabled old west gunslingers to their real names." Again, I have no comment.

Question 13: "Which of these classics was not a winner?" Um, yeah. I can't bear much more. No comment.

Question 14: "The famous long glissando..." Important historical knowledge of the founding, this is...

Question 15: "Put the lakes in the order of the amount of water each holds." Ok, ok, I'm calm. But I really can't take much more of this superficial nonsense.

Question 16: "Why was lyricist Francis Scott Key present..." A pretty fair historical question, but this event happened in 1814.

Question 17: "Complete each title with its missing ingredient." Crap. No comment again.

On to the last page:

Question 18: "What is that material?" The Washington Monument was completed in 1884. What is much more important than the material it is made of is the inscription on its east face: Laus Deo (Latin for "praise be to God").

Question 19: "Milestones in American space exploration..." No comment again.

Question 20: "SALT and START treaties..." Um... no comment. Plus, they failed.

Question 21: "Four corners..." Yeah, an arbitrary map line intersection is really worthy of testing.

Question 22: "...decorated the White House." Will the inanity never cease? Well, at least we have a test of real history, in that Washington D.C. did not even exist when Washington was president.

Question 23: "Fredrick Douglass..." An important American historical figure, but he was born in 1818. He has nothing to do with the founding or the Declaration.

Well, here we have it. A single question (#11) relevant to the founders, but only obliquely. What a wasted opportunity to deal with an increasingly overlooked subject.