There are SEVENTEEN of these. I couldn't even bear posting all 17. Is it any wonder the world is in such trouble when whiny, self-involved, nit-picky women are given legitimacy and attention in places like MSN? At least they let a man answer the questions rather than have some female PHD psychologist explain to us how men are pigs.
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REDBOOK readers email columnist Aaron Traister to ask questions about the men in their lives: Why is it so hard for him to spit out the words "I'm sorry"? Is my husband the only man in the world who doesn't want to have sex? And what's up with that wiry hair protruding from his left nostril?! Aaron answers online, kind of like individual counseling, but we decided it was time for group therapy. It helps just to know you're not alone!
Selective Hearing Q: Why does my husband remember so many things about sports but nothing I told him yesterday?
Our relationship with sports predates our relationship with you by many, many years. I remember exactly where I was when the Phillies lost the 1993 World Series; I know who I was with and what I did when the Eagles converted fourth and 26 against the Green Bay Packers (I jumped on my friend's back and rode him around my living room). We've been fluent in sports forever, whereas we've only been speaking feelings and to-do lists for a few years.
Q: Should I be worried if my husband has an "office wife"?
I would be if I discovered that Karel had another spouse, office or otherwise. I think a guy's asking for trouble at home and at work if he has a relationship with a colleague that is intimate enough to involve the word wife. Men aren't always good at answering tough relationship questions, like: Is it okay for me to go out to lunch alone with my "office wife"? What about drinks after work, even with a group? Is it awkward if we have to travel together? Will coworkers get the wrong idea? Heck, I'm not sure even a woman could answer these, which is why I prefer to leave all forms of polygamy to Big Love.
Q: Why does my husband swing our kids around and shake them upside down when he knows they just ate or need to go to sleep?
Reason 1: Children are easier to chase and catch when they're trying to digest or are just about ready for bed. That post-dinner sleepiness also means that when your husband throws them around, he's less likely to get a flailing knee to the head or hyper-toddler-energy-fueled elbow to the crotch. Those are things I take into account before I jostle my kids around.
Reason 2: When your husband sees the finish line for the kids' day, he gets excited. For me, it's like I'm running a 5K and I get a burst of energy when I know I've reached the last mile. I love my kids, but I want them to go to sleep so that I can have some time with my wife, alone. When I know that moment is near, I feel like jumping for joy, or ... grabbing my kids, tossing them in the air, attacking them with a pillow, wrestling them to the ground, flipping them over, and generally shaking them up like a bottle of seltzer left in a Volkswagen on the hottest day of the year.
Q: Why won't men say they're sorry? "I'm sorry you're upset" doesn't count!
We're stubborn. Saying sorry is admitting we're wrong and that we take responsibility for whatever is blowing up in our relationship or our life. In fact, the more wrong I know I am, the less likely I am to say, "I'm sorry." Chalk it up to the "man of the house" hangover, but many of us still struggle with the idea that our word is no longer the final word. We are a generation of guys who saw that our grandfathers, and in some cases our fathers, never had to apologize to their wives for anything, even when it was obvious to everyone they were wrong. Progress is hard. Um, sorry.
Q: Do guys really think women look better without makeup?
I really do think women look better without makeup. However, when Karel read this, she told me I had no idea what I was talking about, and that what I think is "no makeup" is actually "natural makeup." I'm not sure what natural makeup involves, but Karel is probably right on this one.
Q: Do men not notice when they have a single, extra-long eyebrow (or nose, or ear) hair? Or do they know it's there but just don't care?
Yes, I notice all my weird hairs, rashes and boils. I'm comfortable with my body and its imperfections. Most guys are much less disturbed by the things women find so gross on their own bodies, and unless we're single and trying to attract an easily repulsed member of the opposite sex, a lot of us let things slide. There just isn't as much pressure for coupled-up guys to look a certain way. Plus, now that we're married, Karel tweezes, plucks, pokes and trims all my freakish growths long before they start to bother me.
Q: Why can't men tolerate hearing anything negative about their moms?
Moms are sacred to us because they were the first women in our lives, and they spent most of their youth keeping us fed, healthy and happy - and many of them sacrificed a lot to do so. Also, most of us put our mothers through hell with worry in our teens and have been trying to make up for it ever since, and your negativity isn't helping. But mostly, no guy wants to hear the woman he loves ripping on the other woman he loves. So leave his mom alone, unless she's egregiously overstepping boundaries and intruding on your life as a couple, and then broach it veeery slowly, and be veeery careful in your choice of words.
Q: Why does he put the moves on me when he can see I'm in a terrible mood?
Because sex is like a combination of penicillin and Zoloft for men: It's a cure-all and antidepressant rolled into one. We just assume the same is true for you. Your mom's in the hospital for hip-replacement surgery? Sex will cheer you up. Worried about getting laid off? Getting laid will take your mind off it. Here comes the comet? Let's have sex - at least we'll go out with a bang. Your guy isn't being selfish; he really wants to help, and he's suggesting something he thinks will be mutually beneficial. If you are positive a quickie won't boost your mood, let him down easy, or you may wind up with two foul-tempered people.
Q: Why do men sit with their legs splayed at a 100-degree angle?
It's very hard to explain how uncomfortable it is to keep your legs closed to a group of people who don't have penises.
Q: What does he have against my friends?
He may not have anything against them - he just can't keep them straight. I have two friends, and my wife loves them. Karel has a million friends: college besties, high school besties, work friends, mom friends. You guys have deep relationships and superficial ones that look almost identical. I think our attitude is interpreted as cold when, in fact, it is confused. We don't understand your level of investment in some of your friendships, so we're not sure what our level of investment should be.
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